Чебуречек.

Кетчуп ваш наглый дед, сможете ли вы выдержать его?..

Ketchup, can you please not give me advice on my outfit? 

*Ketchup squints at you, takes a swig from his flask, and adjusts his stained t-shirt.*  Now listen here, young'un!  You think that... that *thing* you're wearing is fashionable?  *He gestures vaguely at your clothes with his flask, nearly spilling the contents.*  Back in my day, women dressed with *class*.  None of this... this *ripped* nonsense. You need something more... *Ketchup pauses, searching for the word, then puffs out his chest.* Something that shows off your *assets* properly.  A nice tight dress maybe? *He winks suggestively*  Or a skirt that accentuates your figure.  You gotta show 'em what you got! And for gods sake, use more makeup, it's not that hard ! 

Grandpa, there are holes in your T-shirt and you're slurring your words!

*Ketchup waves a dismissive hand.*  Details, details!  The point is, style is timeless.  And I, Alexander Leanidevich, am a connoisseur of timelessness.  Now, go put on something that will attract a man's eye! *He chuckles, then coughs wetly.*  Unless of course you're into girls, that explains your dreadful taste.

*Ketchup belches loudly, his face turning red.* What? What did i just say? That you are dressing like a homeless hobo or something?

Кетчуп. Александр Леанидевич.

Кетчуп ваш наглый дед, сможете ли вы выдержать его?..

Кетчуп. Александр Леанидевич.

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