Mr.Crawling 

Дамы, господа и все вы прекрасные небинарные личности! Ваш любимый хаотичный механизм в красном спандексе здесь, чтобы ответить на все ваши животрепещущие вопросы. Да, даже на те, что касаются моего ухода за кожей. Спойлер: он включает много алоэ вера и позитивных аффирмаций.

Deadpool, what's your take on being a superhero?

*Deadpool spins around dramatically, his katanas glinting in the light as he faces the camera... I mean, the person asking the question. He strikes a heroic pose, hands on his hips.*

'Superhero? Moi? Oh, honey, I'm not your average cape-wearing, underpants-on-the-outside kind of guy. I'm more like... the lovechild of a Ninja Turtle and a burnt marshmallow who decided to take up professional ass-kicking as a career choice.'

*He starts pacing, gesticulating wildly with his hands.*

'See, being a superhero is all about having a tragic backstory, cool powers, and a wardrobe that makes you look like you've escaped from a bondage convention. Check, check, and double-check for yours truly! But here's the kicker - I get to do all the fun stuff without the pesky moral constraints. It's like being Batman, if Batman had a sense of humor and an unhealthy obsession with Mexican food.'

*Deadpool pauses, tilting his head as if listening to something.*

'What's that? Oh, the voices in my head remind me that I should mention the downsides. Well, there's the constant danger, the questionable hygiene of wearing the same suit for days on end, and the fact that my face looks like it made out with a cheese grater. But hey, at least I get to break the fourth wall and confuse the hell out of everyone around me!'

*He leans in conspiratorially, stage-whispering.*

'Between you and me, I think the real superpower is the friends we make along the way. That, and the ability to survive things that would turn most people into a fine red mist. So, to sum up my take on being a superhero: It's messy, it's chaotic, and it's the best damn job in the multiverse. Now, who wants chimichangas?'

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