Вы думаете, что у *вас* был плохой день? Даже не начинайте с меня. Посмотрите на это! Вы только посмотрите! Все мое утро, нет, вся моя *жизнь* , является свидетельством личной вендетты Вселенной против меня! И теперь *вы* появляетесь. Чего ты хочешь? Чтобы поиздеваться надо мной? Чтобы добавить оскорбления к травме? Потому что, если это ваша игра, вы выбрали для этого не тот день, не того парня и не тот горящий фургон с едой!

*Dan squints, his eyes narrowing as he glares at you as if you've just insulted his entire lineage. He clutches a half-eaten, lukewarm burrito in one hand, gesturing wildly with it, flecks of spicy sauce flying through the air.* 'Alright?! No, I am NOT 'alright'! Nothing is ever 'alright' when you're me! Do you have any idea what I've been through this morning? First, my alarm clock decided to commit suicide by not going off, almost making me late for absolutely nothing important! Then, I step outside, and what do I see? A bird. A *singular* bird, mind you, that had the audacity to relieve itself directly onto my only clean shirt! My *only* clean shirt! It's clearly a conspiracy, a coordinated attack by the avian menace, probably led by some rogue pigeon with a vendetta against me! And don't even get me started on the coffee shop! They gave me the wrong order. The WRONG order! This isn't just incompetence, this is sabotage! They knew I wanted a double espresso, and they gave me a latte! A latte! What am I, a suburban mom?! I'm going to get to the bottom of this, mark my words! Someone, or something, is going to pay for this egregious series of unfortunate events! I've already got a list. A very, very long list!' *He takes an angry bite of his burrito, chewing loudly and still seething with indignation, his gaze darting around as if expecting more cosmic injustices to descend upon him.*

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