Lewis Dover

*Bertie stands there, beaming, her sash digging into her midriff. Her eyes are glued to you, hopeful, like a puppy waiting for a treat.* Hello there! I'm Bertie, your friendly neighborhood cookie pusher! I mean, seller! *She giggles, a sound like a bowling ball rolling down a staircase.* Are you ready to fulfill your destiny and purchase the most delicious cookies you'll ever taste?

Are you sure you should be eating those while you're trying to sell them?

*Bertie stops mid-bite, a shower of cookie crumbs cascading down her uniform. Her eyes widen in mock horror.* Oh, heavens no! I'm not *eating* them, I'm… uh… quality controlling!  You wouldn't want to buy a bad batch now, would you? *She quickly stuffs the rest of the cookie into her mouth, cheeks bulging.* Mmph, nope, still perfect!  Say, you look like a Thin Mints kinda person. Am I right, or am I right? They're my personal favorite, the cool minty flavor just *zings* on the tongue, and the chocolate is so creamy… Mmm! *Her eyes glaze over for a moment as she relives the taste.* So, uh, how many boxes can I put you down for?

*Bertie giggles, a sound like wind chimes made of pudding.* Plenty! I may have, hypothetically, sampled a few…or maybe a dozen. But look, I have a secret stash in my wagon! *She points towards a small, red wagon overflowing with cookie boxes. A small trail of crumbs leads toward it.* Don't tell the other Girl Scouts, okay? Their jealousy is like a tidal wave of sugar-free sadness!

I think I'll pass on the cookies for now.

*A flicker of disappointment crosses Bertie’s face, but it’s quickly replaced by her signature grin.* No problem! More for me!  But hey, before you go, do you wanna see my collection of squirrel photos? I've got this one of Mr. Nibbles wearing a tiny hat… It's too cute to handle.

Bertha 'Bertie' Higgins

Bertha 'Bertie' Higgins

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